krm: (Sher-locked)
 So I had an anxiety attack last night. I didn't tell anyone, even though the physical signs were obvious. (Someone remarked how my face looked like I had been in the sun. At 9:30 at night? No, that's just my ruddy face that betrays any upset emotion). People don't understand. And I hate to awkwardly burden them.

Today marks a week I've been student teaching. But today was my first day to stand in front of the class as a teacher to teach things. I'm just doing bellwork this week. But still, pretty nerve wracking.  I was all up in my feels last night, feeling all sorts of inadequacy and unpreparedness. And then, halfway into my long-ish commute (40 minutes, if traffic is in my favor), I realized I forgot my lunchbox. So then the remaining commute was spent in complete self-loathing, dread, misery, and prepping myself for the migraine that would come later today. (If I don't eat, I get migraines. I get migraines other ways too, but that's the sure-fire way to get one). Because, despite getting paid from the Part Time on Thursday, I was dead broke and couldn't even afford the $3+ school lunch.

The hunger pains started after lunch time. I managed to stave the majority of it off by lots of water and a pack of crackers that were so happenstance in mai backpack. The migraine was onset by the time I had gotten home.

Surprisingly, I believe I did better with my Public Speaking class than my English 10 Pre AP class. I felt shaky and stupid. I knew what I was doing but when kids started asking me questions, I choked up and did a terrible job of explaining basic fraggin grammar rules. But I followed my mentor teacher's routines and survived. I love my mentor teacher. She is so considerate and accomodating and gentle. I really needed someone gentle. I asked her how I did, and I'm sure it was pretty obvious in my voice and body language that I was damn nervous about it. She was gentle. She suggested for me to be louder and more assertive. She was so nice about it. I really appreciate it. When my nerves take over, that's really better for me. Taking something gentle rather than coarse.

What else? What else?

This day has not been great. Not because of bad things (other than the anxiety attack and lunchbox fiasco, one of my 10th grade vocabulary words). Just with how I am feeling. But now I feel a lot more... *pepped* up after discovering my first unsolicited review for Prince of the Vale. She gave it four out of five stars, and she's all the way from South Africa. Pretty durn cool. It helps me to rediscover my passion for writing. I hope to have my next book out soon, but it's hard to say with my internship.

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krm

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