krm: (Sher-locked)
 On June the 12, at approximately 10:30 PM (after an evening of partaking of German cuisine and imbibing dark beer), the author took a stroll upon the beach at the behest of her significant other where he summarily descended upon the renowned knee and proposed an offer of marriage. The author accepted. And so now she is engaged.

You may be thinking (along with others I'm sure) how quickly the relationship progressed to an engagement. All I can offer (without getting to personal) is that it felt right. It still feels right. Jamie is like a balm to my soul, a relief in the erratic storm of life. Before I become too poetic on you, I should admit a few things.

My depression has been kept at bay. I credit this to Jamie of course and the effect he has upon my day. But I've also kept myself busy with things that need to get done. (Household chores and the like). It helps that we have the same interests and the same energy levels. However, I must admit of few shortcomings.  Sometimes the day slips from me, especially with it being summer vacation. Now as I am in the midst of professional development and setting up my classroom the weekend before school starts, I feel rushed, more so than ever to get the menial things done, and in the spare minutes that I've had have been, admittedly, spent in idleness. It's not as bad as it's been seven months to a year ago, but I've been pretty good at managing it.

The flip side of that coin seems to be a bout of anxiety. I'm engaged now! I get to plan a wedding! And I'm excited and so cliche that I get to make all these decisions for basically a huge party with our loved ones! But I'm indulging. But perhaps, I'm indulging a bit too much. I can't tell you many hours I've spent on Wedding Wire or The Knot looking up every possible venue and vendor. Colors, flowers, and theme. By now of course I have decided on some things, but I cannot deny how much I've been unable to find sleep as my mind's eye plots out every minute detail. It's exhausting.  I've also been hyper-focused on finding a dress. I wanted to find one online (because yay! Online shopping!) But have agonized over not seeing how different styles fit my body. Plus my measurements! 

So I caved. Tomorrow I'm going to a bridal fitting with my grandmother and one of my bridesmaids. And then Sunday I'm attending a bridal show (where vendors come to bid for your money) with the fiance's mom and sisters. I have already booked most majors things--the venue (ceremony and reception), DJ, flowers (from!), photographer, and a possible officiant (who will do a strictly non-religious ceremony!). I'm still looking into catering options, maybe dress options. I've thought about having a wedding planner, but since I've already decided on most of my vendors, I'm not sure how much useful they will be other than day-of coordination and decorating. Still, it wouldn't hurt to look. I'm undecided on having a videographer. (So expensive!)

My date is October 6, 2018 (which was also my grandparents' anniversary!). My "theme" will be fall/autumn related. Colors--orange flowers (mums, carnations for my dearest mother) with purple and dark red accents, and then blue/green/teal as a secondary color. I've got about 100 planned for my guest count.

I don't know why I'm sharing all of these details on dreamwidth. Well, I do. I need to document my thoughts, share this increasing amount of worry that's taking up so much headspace and energy, relieve the pressure. School is starting back, and while I'm pumped up for it, I need to stay focused too.

krm: (Excited Elephant)
 I must get out of this habit of updating so sluggishly. 

When last I left this blog, I had an approaching interview. I was actually offered that specific job, but it was only part time, and it was a bit of a drive, and a pretty good pay cut from the then-current part time. There was a great opportunity for advancement and opportunity, but I had to decline, especially for other options that opened up for me. Shortly before Christmas, I discovered a neighboring county was in the market for hiring a ninth grade English teacher. I managed to secure a job interview for the day after I contacted the principal, and the VERY next day, I received a phone call offering me that job. Seeing that it was in the middle of the school year and being a VERY recent graduate (because of my student teaching days, my diploma + licensure was delayed) and that this was the job I'd been going to college for, of course I accepted the position.

I started in January, and I left the part-time early February, finally. I've had a lot of compliments from fellow teachers and administration about my performance, very complimentary for being a first year teacher. There are struggles of course, but I know that, for the moment, this is the path for me. I'm almost certain that I've got a place in this school system should I want to continue to work there.

A lot of other changes have been made too, on a more personal level. The turmoil I'd been expressing in previous entries had at last been confronted. The relationship that I had been in for a little over eight years ended by my choice. I'm not going to get into the messy details about it; there are of course somethings I would have changed about that break up. To put it simply, that relationship was unhealthy and toxic, for both parties I'm sure. The break up was overdue. I knew it, the people around us knew it, it just took a while for the Ex to realize and accept this Truth.

There's a lot I could say in regards to this event that stretched out longer than necessary. I could smear names, insist to my own innocence. But I'm not going to dwell on that negativity any more. That chapter of my life has ended. I know what happened; and that's enough for me.

And so begins the new chapter.

His name is Jamie. And he is the soul that puts mine, finally, at peace. He is a spirit recognized by my own, perhaps since we first encountered each other. My draw to him was undeniable, for my end to the very least, and for him as well, I would later discover. I wish I could describe the perfect happiness that is him, but I'm sure that would take a novel, and I should be completing another novel of a different sort.

Things are still in a transition period of sorts. There's so much I have left unsaid. But that's for another time. For now, Au Revoir.


krm: (Default)

July 2017

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